The HARDEST LESSON of All

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“Pray without ceasing”

1 Thessalonians 5 (King James Bible)

I have been on a journey since choosing to “come clean” about a wrong relationship I participated in with a man in authority.

The journey has not ended. Maybe far from it.

It ends when it is finished, not when I declare it.

Frankly, I’ve made the journey much harder for myself than it should have been. Because I have taken it on as my own.

It is relatively easy for someone like myself to stay out of my thoughts when the waters are calm. But when challenge comes–when I don’t see the result I’d like to see, or when someone challenges the way I am taking my journey for instance–the waters become choppy and like Peter on the Sea of Galilee, I begin to sink.

The sinking has nothing to do with the churning of the outside waters, but everything to do with the churning of my internal waters.

In other words, when push comes to shove, I see that I am a man of “little faith.”

It’s not that I don’t know what the truth is–indeed I do, and that’s easy to stand on.

What I’ve begun to realize, is that it’s my undisciplined thoughts which produce emotions that cause the “churn.”

And the emotions can be so tricky.

Thoughts that consist of wrongs done to us can cause anger–anger that seeks to be resolved in some form and so feelings of false love can come in to “make up” for the anger. This seesaw of thoughts and emotions can play out endlessly.

The apology

As I’ve mentioned previously, I have already apologized to the man who led me into sin for my role in failing to be a true friend and stop him and myself, and for my failure to stay true to my marriage vows and to (spiritually) protect my family.

Likewise, my old friend apologized to me for what he did. From the best of my ability, I believe he was sincere.

Yet I believe that he should go much further and apologize to his congregation for his failure in this, and for falsely portraying himself as a man without sin, even though the Bible makes crystal clear that this kind of sin is the worst kind of all.

Nevertheless, he has chosen not to “come clean” with the people he instructs. That is his choice, not mine.

In this journey, I have put out a warning to him and to anybody he may have hurt, as he hurt me and my family.

I have not sought to destroy him.

I believe what I have done is the right thing. Some people are profoundly appreciative, as it has freed them to be able to stand on what they have seen without doubting themselves.

Some have criticized me for “going too far” or having bad motives; others for “not going far enough.”

I have chosen to take what may be called a “middle” ground–staying inside the boundaries of what I believe is right.

The point I am getting at, is that even though I believe what I have done is correct, my thoughts about these things produce emotions that cause the “churn” of my internal waters.

Or the knowledge that I will be speaking to my old friend (whom I wish no ill, yet can no longer afford to trust) or speaking to someone else who disagrees with me, causes the internal churn too.

I’m leaning on thoughts to somehow “protect” me from potential bad intent in others.

But it is really because–though I have been meditating/praying for decades now, I have failed to heed the instruction to “pray unceasingly.”

It is one thing to sit down in prayer, and maintain a reasonable amount of discipline for getting in touch with my inner self–it is another to live in the same manner.

Exposing weak spots

Thank God for the trials that come, because they expose our weak spots!

In addition to prayer, while engaged in other activities, I have seen the incredibly undisciplined nature of my thoughts. This trial has caused me to see the need for more physical work in my life to pull me out of my head (“Thou shalt work by the sweat of thy brow…”), and for sometimes doing nothing at all–which my wife told me I never do!).

Through it all, I now see the wisdom in having enough faith to approach conversations without pre-planning them (I’ve fallen into this ditch big time!), or overly planning my day’s activities.

The bottom line is, I have never been good at trusting God. This started with a lack of trust in my father, and a feeling that at a young age, I was essentially “on my own” in the world.

This caused me to live in my imagination as a child–becoming what I would call an “imagina-holic”!

Today–though the line between imagination and reality is clear–I still fall prey to leaning on thinking to resolve my problems. I see that this exhausts the mind and body–that it is sheer folly. My son told me he has the same challenge, and I know my poor example in this regard has negatively influenced him, just as my father’s poor example in some areas negatively influenced me.

It is time for me to show the way.

There is no choice

For the rational person–the one who seeks to do right and to live with a light burden (“My burden is light“), there really is no choice but to step out on faith and let the Spirit inside guide us.

I’ve come to that precipice. I believe I’m finally willing to step off, trusting that I will not fall to my death, but instead be lifted up by His grace.

I wish the same for you.

Patrick Rooney is the Founder of OldSchoolUs.com. He communicates clearly and fearlessly during perilous times about natural health, success, and freedom. To reach Patrick, email him at [email protected].

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13 thoughts on “The HARDEST LESSON of All”

  1. I feel so much like you, I am wondering why I put so much faith in one person, above all else, and it’s because they told me they were without sin! And I noticed lately that when I would comment certain things that I disagreed with …that I was very ganged up on ..and I was almost outcast. These were the people that I would go to for support if I needed anything, but now when I really needed something, I’m losing my father right now, they said suffer and die.
    They had no words for me, they actually had no spirituality to give me! And that’s when I realized everything is inside of me that I need!
    We are going through labor right now, from this world to the next, and we are learning along the way, and even now we are being birthed into a new truth! God keeps bringing us closer and closer to him every day, and anybody we put in front of him, he will show us the truth!

    I have often said that baptism is just saying that I forgive my parents and I am only a child now of one parent, God!
    Let’s all remember that God is our father, and no man holds a candle to him!

    1. Thank you, Bp. Those that are ganging up on you believe they are doing right. They see all of this as an attempt to destroy someone doing “God’s work.” They believe they are offering a “shield of protection.” Pray for them… And you are right, the birth pangs are here–which can sometimes feel unpleasant. But a new world of truth, justice, and love is beginning to emerge!

    2. People believed him because they were and are, (some) detached a bit from their own guiding light which shows clearly the lie. Really saved people or those on the Path upwards, are kind, strong and with a grace about them. When we are growing in that, the lie is contrasted naturally.

  2. Like you said, better late than never! We all have fallen short to the Glory of God but fortunately God gives us opportunities to glorify Him after a fall in grace.
    No one does wrong and be free without true repentance. I agree that the minister mentioned in your column has an obligation to repent to his followers of the sins that he so willingly committed while giving counseling to do the opposite during the same time! What a major hypocrisy! Roy Masters would have flipped!
    I am glad that you have come clean before your son is damaged as you were and breaking that chain, he is such a wonderful young man with a multitude of talents that will take him to good places in life.
    May your journey be blessed while keeping focused on your direction from the Holy One.

    1. Yes Charles, so much love comes from suffering and repentance. It really is so simple. And Roy, although difficult for him to see reality in some people, did eventually (with some help from me ) say that the minister was not a good man. Took him a lot to see that. He had a weakness for some people and I never held that against him, but saw that I had to depend on my own inner intuition and what I was experiencing with said minister, and not what Roy was expressing. He simply was wrong, and did not know. That is a great lesson to take from this for so many that have followed the minister regardless of b.s. he sometimes says. Trust the inner light! ..over any man, and calmly, (which I was not always) but boldly stand up to misrepresentations of Jesus under color the of authority.

  3. Good post.
    None of us here on earth are going to think our way out of our own personal dilemmas.
    There is a magic in being at peace with not knowing what to do. It’s good to be humbled by our stupidity.
    I’ve realized it’s just a “wait and see” thing.
    And when we do “see” the right thing to do, we must act on it without thinking. Thinking will contaminate it.
    That is faith, trusting in something we didn’t dream up ourselves, but believing in something that was revealed to us from a higher source.
    Many times in my life I’ve doubted revelations given to me and so I’ve suffered accordingly.
    However, I believe this is all part of our refining process and therefore we must not fall into self judgment (another trap, playing God ).
    Many may look at this mentality as living life with reckless abandonment or living without a plan.
    To that I say, hang in there and keep the faith.
    God never designed our lives to be just a walk in the park.

  4. It is really interesting how the dark side mimics the real intuition that we simply have…as though it were our own inner voice. We are taught at a young age to use our memory and imagination, rather than waiting for ideas to simply pop up. Inventors of wonderful products know that, that the ideas come from heaven. It is a sort of “dumb” way of living, like we just see things but let the inner conversations and words about it pass by, over and over again. Then there are longer periods of time when we really have nothing going on in the mind, but somehow there is peace and when we want to share in verbal or written form, pure magic comes out. It is faith, and knowing at the same time. So yeah, our smaller moments of be still/ praying without words are all meant to carry that watching all the time. It is not really explained well in the bible, but I believe all seekers do find this eventually. “To examine oneself” is the root meaning of prayer,( it is not easily researched, but true) I found out several years ago. Examine…watch..the mind….

      1. Yeah…it took me many years and some real love from Roy to really see this. I see it was the reason I was drawn up to southern Oregon, without knowing it at the time. I believed I was fully somewhere spiritually that I was not, and needed to hear it from him, an honest and loving authority who never got a big head from his position.

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