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Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me.Exodus 20:5 KJV
The legacy and shame of sexual sin has been passed down through my family, as is true in millions of others. I’m sure if the numbers of those affected were truly known, it would shock the world.
This is the underbelly of a darkness that affects us to our core. And that which is left unexamined, is unable to be healed.
When I was a boy, I was molested by another boy–a neighbor. I was naive, and it happened so fast. Yet I was ashamed, and hid it much of my life. I discussed this in Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll Really ARE the GATEWAY TO HELL (Part II).
The whole series is here, for those of you who have not already read it:
Later, I began to understand that my identity was not strong, that I had not developed a firm bond with my father growing up, and that I resented my mother for being hypocritical (two-faced) and “overprotective.” It is easy to see now that her overprotectiveness was a compensation for my father’s distance toward me, and for his failure to fulfill his role as leader of his wife and family.
I did not trust myself, and did not have vision and purpose. I was easy prey for the vision and purpose of others.
I ended up being taken advantage of sexually as an adult male, by someone I trusted. I reacted to this with anger, directed at the person who violated me. And yet, as an adult, I myself was responsible for my actions.
Sins of the mother
By rejecting my father, I was left without self-confidence, and I needed to trust somebody, which turned into a trust for authority figures. This was the same thing my mother did. She rejected my father’s authority, as is understandable as he did not have natural authority. His authority was no doubt taken away by his mother, through the lack of authority of his father, and so on and so on.
“…visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation…”
My sister, who recently passed, had years ago accused my father of molesting her. I have no idea whether her accusation was true. At the time, nobody in the family wanted to deal with it. Part of me did want to hear her out, and I remember discussing meeting my sister to at least listen to her. But for some reason I never followed through with it.
I believe that part of the reason I never did meet with my sister was because I was involved with a men’s organization, and at the time there were many women in the news accusing men of sexual “crimes,” and we and much of society were suspicious of their motives.
I think the suspicion was legitimate, as I do believe that many women hate men (sometimes for understandable reasons), and look to destroy them.
But some of these accusations are true.
I wrote about my sister–and my relationship with her as someone who did not agree with her politically–HERE.
My mother–in her rejection of my father’s authority–followed the authority of the Catholic priests, and one priest–a friend of the family who acted flamboyantly gay and who liked to drink (a common combination)–was drunk one day, and called my mother on the phone, telling her the sexual things he wanted to do with her.
This same priest molested someone close to me. He was accused of molesting other boys as well and is no longer a priest.
Authority figures know they have power over the minds of those who “follow” them, and many abuse that power in one way or another. Sexual abuse is not uncommon among them.
Passing the “torch”
Sexual abusers are often those who themselves were sexually abused. What percent is open to debate. But clearly many of them are. And the sin can be passed on from generation to generation.
But it doesn’t have to be.
The sin passed down to me has hurt those close to me. But I have admitted my sin, and turned from it, and asked those I hurt to forgive me–not for me, but for their own well-being.
To this day, I have not fully forgiven those who (I have let) hurt me. But I have confronted those I have needed to confront, and I pray everyday that God would take away my anger and give me peace. He has brought me and those close to me so far, and I trust He will carry us the rest of the way.
I am no longer a prisoner to shame, and no one needs to be. There are reasons we did what we did, and though the actions were not right, based on our circumstances, they are certainly understandable.
I know that God does not hold our past against us, our responsibility is our present, and I do believe that–in God’s presence, he will guide those of us who seek freedom to the Promised Land.
Patrick Rooney is the Founder of OldSchoolUs.com. He communicates clearly and fearlessly during perilous times about natural health, success, and freedom. To reach Patrick, email him at [email protected].
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