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I visited an old friend over the weekend. We had not talked for far too long a time. He gave me some sound advice–it was about me.
We were discussing someone who was a mutual friend, and who’d wronged me. Even though I knew it was wrong to carry resentment towards my former friend for what he had done, nevertheless, I have been unable to completely shake that resentment.
In a nutshell, my friend told me something I thought I already knew–that even if my former friend was 100% wrong–I AM WRONG FOR CONTINUING TO RESENT HIM FOR IT!
That statement took away my excuses for acting in a childish way while I walk in an adult’s body.
I felt like I had been backed into a corner, and exposed.
And funny, accepting my friend’s statement caused a freeing, and yet something else inside me was not happy about it at all. I sat with that last night until I went to bed.
There is still something inside fighting this truth, but yet in a way, it feels like the lance has already pierced the dragon.
All that’s left now is allowing the truth to settle inside.
My sin is judging.
Sure, I can look back and see where this started. My mother was a judger, and my father–though certainly not a bad man, was someone who–like many in his Great Depression / World War II generation–struggled with internal conflicts routinely drowned with unfiltered cigarettes, alcohol, bad food, and the trivial news of the day.
The judger needs the failure (real or perceived) of the “bad” actor to feed the judgment!
When I’m at the gym, I notice something inside me judging everyone I see–whether it’s the lifters who curse like sailors, or someone who acts “too strong” or “too weak.” It doesn’t matter–they can’t win. The judger needs its food!
Traumas and Judging
While talking with my old friend this weekend, we began to explore how myself and others that we know have been hypnotized by hypnotic techniques presented as “meditation.” That hypnotic state leads to judgment–because in this state, we operate out of a type of automated response, instead of reason.
But my traumas–and by extension, my judgment–indeed started long ago. Hating the judger (mother), or hating the “bad actor” (father)–awakened that original trauma / hypnotic condition, which converted me into being a judger.
Trauma / judgment caused me to judge others as either worse or better than me. In those I judged to be somehow “better” than me, it caused me to become a follower, which set me up to be used by people who placed themselves (and whom I placed) in a “leader” position.
The Way Out
It’s a tangled web we become part of, but the only way I have found to become freer (with the hope of complete freedom) is to be willing to acknowledge the truth when it presents itself. I still believe in meditation–but today I practice a simple form of stillness that is almost formless, and thus kept close to reality and hard to screw up! I deal with this topic in more depth in THIS POST.
My old friend helped this process along this weekend, and I am eternally grateful.
As I slowly accept responsibility for MY actions, the leader inside is emerging, and the follower fades. This is something I have always wanted, and it is heartening to see it come forward.
It starts with admitting we are wrong for judging others, even if they have done wrong to us. This is not a new concept. It is the basis of Christianity, and many others who don’t consider themselves Christians subscribe to it too.
Letting go of our pride, and asking God to help us do this, is the ticket back to LIFE. I see my life returning. I hope you maintain or regain your life too.
Patrick Rooney is the Founder of OldSchoolUs.com. He communicates clearly and fearlessly during perilous times about natural health, success, and freedom. To reach Patrick, email him at [email protected]. To Support the critical work of Old School, go HERE.