Thank God for the SINNER

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I have asked God many times to remove the anger inside me. And He is answering my prayer–yet the process seems so SLOW!

For some reason, this appears to be the way He wants it.

I have wanted clarity about all things, for a long time.

I want to be sure–if possible–that the actions I engage in are correct, and not colored by my own desires, fears, or grudges.

I can see that much good has occurred through some of my “crusades”–despite my impure heart.

And I have always sought to be in the fight, and to see the fight through to the end.

But seeing when to fight–and sometimes when NOT to fight… ah, that is wisdom!

I have not always had wisdom, and still see it is not perfect in me.

I have not always been able to separate the righteousness of a cause from my personal battles.

There is one fight I have been in that I have wrestled with. Is telling my story enough?

Should I continue on, promoting others who have taken up the battle?

Shall I continue to seek justice on the outside while injustice still exists in my spirit?

Talking with the family

My family and I had a very good talk yesterday.

We had some issues that needed to be brought to light. In the end, what became clear was that I still have issues–I have not been made perfect in love yet, and it (of course) affects my family in a negative way.

We discussed some new posts I was working on, which further expand upon a crusade I have been involved in. But the questions at hand boiled down to just two:

1: What is the best thing for my soul?

2: What is the best thing for my family? (which of course is related to question 1)

The clarity of those questions which came to me, led to an obvious answer: Because too much blame resides in me still, I cannot seem to continue in this fight as I have been, without diving back in to negative thoughts and emotions.

In other words, blame is unhealthy (duh!), and failing to take full responsibility for my own actions is causing a continuation of my anger as the wound is continually re-opened.

Don’t get me wrong–injustice clearly has been done, and I understand full well that others may need to continue to fight to right wrongs. And they are being unjustly treated to this day.

There is a need for them to continue to fight. And for others who have not yet come forward to do so, if they are so led.

But at the moment–when anger still resides in my heart–I must do what is best for my soul, and for my family, that that is keeping my eyes on ME.

The Sinner is like cancer

After having a very honest and healing conversation about these issues with my family, I had an interesting realization: the sinner (the person who has tempted us to fall into hatred) is like cancer, meaning this:

Have you ever heard of someone who got cancer, but then said it was the best thing that ever happened to them?

Going through that crisis woke them up to something about themselves that they had not realized.

Similarly, the “sinner” in my life and their actions toward me brought my sin to the surface. And though I fell to that sin, and its presence in my life caused great pain to me and especially to my family, in the end, it has provided a new sense of freedom, and a renewed closeness and growing love with them.

I had never been particularly close to my family growing up for a variety of reasons, so I was never a very good “family” person once I started my own.

I hurt my wife in some deep ways without even fully realizing it. I was a very often absent father, as I worked long hours and commuted far.

I’m just realizing some of this now. Sin in its various forms had blinded me to so much.

So yes, instead of hating the sinner, something new has opened up to me: a certain sense of gratefulness that God allowed the sinner to work in my life like a cancer to wake me up to the sin that was ALREADY in me and seeking full expression.

Now, looking back, I can see the slow motion car wreck that the sin inside of me caused. Had it not been for the “sinner” in my life, it would not have come so clearly to the surface.

And the sin would have been working quietly in the background, slowly destroying my life.

Now I have another chance at a full life!

The future

I do not know what the future will bring, but I believe that God will continue to guide me and my family toward freedom, as long as we remain close to Him.

I cannot say what actions I will or will not take moving forward, but you can be sure that my eyes will be on myself, first and foremost. From that, my family will naturally be protected.

As for “the sinner”: Yes, I still want to see justice done, but I also know that I am not the author of that justice. I still support the “soldiers” in the field carrying on the work, and pray for their success.

And ultimately I know that there is One to whom we ALL must answer to for our sins, and that His justice will be served in the end.

We will ALL be judged–“the sinner” among us, and the sinner within us.

Patrick Rooney is the Founder of OldSchoolUs.com. He communicates clearly and fearlessly during perilous times about natural health, success, and freedom. To reach Patrick, email him at [email protected].

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