Someone I know is constantly able to drag me into arguments that result in my losing my joy.
Man, that’s a hard sentence to write, but it’s true.
Funny, I was in the supermarket yesterday and seemed to be on top of the world. Like I was finally experiencing the freedom I have long sought. I felt so good that I felt like I was “born again” right there. No, I’m not kidding.
And I asked God in that moment to please guard me–keep me from losing that state of mind–grace.. whatever you want to call it. I guess He’s a little slower than I’d like. 🙂
I have asked for this before. Actually many times. Truth be told, I don’t know how to refrain from “taking the bait” and descending into an argument. You see, the argument does not begin with an argument. It starts with a discussion. But the destination of the discussion is usually the same–they always conclude I’m a bad person who is not serious about my spiritual life. I’m not saying they do it on purpose. They just can’t help themselves, and I just cannot help engaging.
Meanwhile, the Devil laughs at both of us.
Funny thing is, I know there is truth in what they say to me, and I think that’s what ticks me off. There’s an old saying that nobody can “get your goat” unless you’ve got a goat to get! I’ve heard Roy Masters say this many times. Well, I’ve still got goat in me!
I have spent as many years attempting to live a “spiritual” life as the Jews did wandering in the wilderness. Frankly, it embarrasses me sometimes to fall into the morass of judgment, anger, and doubt. I know I’m not a great example. I know I have not been “born again”–in the sense of taking on a new nature of love–because I still fall when pricked in the right spot.
I wish it weren’t so but it is.
People say I don’t pray the right way. Or forgive as I should. Or allow God to love me. Or… whatever. I’m not saying there’s not truth in these or other things people say. And yet….
Somehow I believe I’m on the right track. I hope I am not deluding myself. Self-delusion is so strong, and I see it everywhere. All I know is I’m doing the best that I see to do.
So in this post, I’m not going to suggest or recommend anything for anybody. Instead, “Physician–heal thyself!”
I do know that God loves me. I do know that his son died for me. And I do know that he left the Holy Spirit with me. I can see God and “his family” working in my life and my family’s life, and for that I am truly grateful.
I am not complaining or despairing here. I’ve just had it with this weak spot–this scab that I allow to keep getting picked. I’m not even looking for advice, because I know that God will–in His time–work this out for me and for those I influence.
I really do want to help others find freedom. But at this point I need to be humble enough to “pull down the oxygen mask” and place it on myself first. And I know that as I surrender to Him and allow the crap to exit my mind and body, that all will be well with us. I guess I just don’t know when, and that will have to be okay.
Thanks for reading. I just needed to rant for a minute. 🙂
Patrick Rooney is the Founder of OldSchoolUs.com. He promotes natural health, success, and freedom during chaotic times. To reach Patrick, email him at [email protected].
The “they ” who you allow to get your goat is one of your greatest teachers, because “they” send you the stress to either be present, or react. To break the cycle or keep it fed and alive…
Think of it like in the movie Ground Hog Day, where the lead character wakes up and the same day, ground hog day, repeats again and again and again….
So we are like the ground hog, but in this case we have the opportunity to see the stress as it is rising up from within us, and meet it without the habitual reaction and bring on a change in season, or we fail the test, retreat back into our sleepy shadow and unconsciously repeat the day, again…
This is the true value of Roy’s present moment meditation “exercise” or in real life when we sense something rising up within and we either stay with the pain in the moment to reveal the truth, or let the stress take us away into the past or future, creating another ground hog day opportunity….
The meditation exercise is like developing and eventually having a fully charged battery in our car ready to go when the stress of a deep overnight freeze occurs.
It is during a lack of present moment awareness that we find our battery not charged up to meet the elements that present to us, and this lack is usually not discovered on average days, but is evident when we get that deep freeze or the ‘they’ unexpected moment..
We must be aware of our efforts to attempt to live a spiritual life, because those efforts can amount to nothing more than an exercise of our will to play God instead of listening to him for real transformation….
It is by letting go of any attempt to live a spiritual life from the outside, Jesus referred to the religious leaders as whitewashed tombs with dead men’s bones inside, take the road less traveled, and be willing to go through the valley of the shadows of death and die to those ego supports to make room for the changes in consciousness, not by my will but thy will, to occur…
To truly be born again..
Thank you, John. Well said. For me, this situation has occurred so often that it has given me plenty of practice to “get it right.” I ain’t perfect in it yet, by a long shot, but change is happening. And for that, I am grateful.
Right on!
Thank you, Chuck. I’m happy you found value here.
Rant heard and understood.
Cool! That’s ehst it’s all about. 🙂