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A friend set me straight this week.
He did that by shaming me.
We think of shame as a bad thing in today’s society. It’s actually a very good thing. I’m not talking about people going around attempting to hurt and humiliate others. I mean when someone tells you the truth about yourself, and the recognition of that truth hits you. It’s a good thing–or at least it is when you accept it without a fight.
My friend told me that I was one hundred percent to blame for my role in an illicit sexual relationship with a Christian minister, while I was married with a son. And that the minister was also one hundred percent at fault for his role. Both are true!
In other words, we were both grown men and fully responsible for our actions. I could argue that as a minister, God holds him to a higher standard, and that may be true, but it takes nothing away from my full responsibility.
That is the truth, and there is nothing I can do to avoid that truth.
I was to blame for not saying “Hell, no!” as my friend put it, when I was tempted.
He said that I fell in the same way Adam fell when Eve tempted him with the “forbidden fruit.” He’s right.
I was to blame for hurting my family–though I was under this man’s psychological control, as I’ve mentioned, I was still a grown man.
It was WRONG. I was wrong.
And perhaps even more important, I was to blame for failing to help my old friend. My refusal to join in what deep down I knew was wrong, could have provided the “wakeup call” my friend needed to jolt him out of his corruption, and his wrong way of excusing sexual sin.
Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13 KJV)
I wasn’t willing to lay down my ego life for my friend. I wasn’t willing to lay down my desire for personal gratification, or my pride, and everything that supported my wrong thoughts and actions, on behalf of actually helping my friend.
I’ve begun to more fully realize that the Devil had our minds at the time. His noise made the “still, small voice” of our consciences barely a whisper.
Yet that conscience was still there. It’s thankfully much louder now.
On our own, we did not mean to harm ourselves and others. In fact, speaking for myself I didn’t even think about the damage I was doing to my wife and son. The Devil fed us delusions (such as that I was somehow “born again” due to the “spiritual breakthrough” of exposing my wrong sexual desires) that supported our depraved actions.
We have all been deceived in one form or another. But this one was major--perhaps because I failed to heed prior warnings in my life.
Yet we still have some sense of right and wrong. It is always there, attempting to keep us safe.
The “blame game” is deadly
My friend (who’d told me that I was to blame for my part in all this) could see from my writings that I did not have closure regarding this sin. And–as I myself was aware–it is impossible to get full closure while we carry any amount of blame toward another person.
And therefore without closure there can be no freedom, though I’ve certainly experienced an increasing measure of freedom through the telling of my story.
It’s a beautiful thing, actually. God has set things up so that we as adults are able to maintain control over our lives. We cannot be taken advantage of without our consent (excluding actual attacks against us, yet even in this case, proper awareness can keep us safe).
If we are taken advantage of as a child, as myself and so many others were, we can forgive once we truly understand that, as Jesus so aptly said, “They know not what they do.”
My friend suggested that I call my old friend and let him know that I was wrong for failing to be a true friend to him and say “no,” and for failing to take full responsibility for my part in this sin. I did choose to call him, and left a message. My old friend actually called me back, and we had a good conversation.
I believe that when we talked this time, he was sincere about being sorry for his part in this sin. He sounds like a more humble man now.
I don’t know if he was happy that I was sorry. Hopefully he was and is. When someone gives up anger for another’s “trespass,” there is no longer any ability to point toward that anger, and use that as an excuse to discredit challenges or accusations.
Yet, I do not want to dwell on that part, because it tempts me to go back into the mode of depending on a “full” apology from another person, as if THEY are to blame for our own anger. This would only serve to pull me away from the knowledge of MY fault in the whole matter!
I did not feel angry when talking with my old friend. This in and of itself is a miracle! To live without the burden of blame and anger? That sounds great to me!
“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:30 King James Version
I pray that God keeps me from temptation, and delivers me from evil. I hope that He does that for ALL of us.
Now that I am releasing my burden of blame, I can more easily see the burden others are carrying. It seems so right to be angry at injustice. But a wise man once said that when you hate injustice, you become unjust.
Moving on
We will know if we have truly let go of blame when we are able to move on with our lives, and not be fixated on an external target. I admittedly have been fixated, but now believe I am ready to move on.
The sin of self-righteousness has plagued me for a long time, and works hand in hand with blame. It seems that once blame is gone, self-righteousness goes away too.
Now I can see other areas of my life where I have been technically right, yet spiritually wrong. I have experienced a fallout with some members of my family (not my wife or son) recently, but the wrongs I see done to me are exacerbated by my self-righteous anger toward those who have persecuted me in one form or another.
“It is easy to love those who love you—even a tax collector can love those who love him.”
Matthew 5:46 New International Version
The year is rapidly drawing to a close. The world system is diseased, and in its present state cannot long stand. Times are likely to get rougher–much rougher. It’s time that we throw off our burdens–unresolved blame, pride, self-righteousness–and with God’s help, all forms of physical sin.
We will need to carry a light burden moving forward.
God has a purpose for all of us, and a destiny. By lightening our burden, we have the insight and energy to protect ourselves and our families. We can also see new opportunities–for service to others, and to the Father.
Holding onto useless baggage will only weigh us down, and could cause us to forfeit our inheritance in God’s kingdom.
“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”
Matthew 16:25 KJV
If we want something of real value, we have to give up something else in return. Do we seek “life abundantly”? I always have. Of course I have often sought ego life abundantly–bad move!
…Then it’s time to lighten our load.
It’s time to close the door, so–as my old friend used to say–God can open another one for us.
Am I “cured”? I certainly hope so. At the least, I now am clear that to blame is to ensure that closure never comes.
God willing, I am THROUGH with blaming! I hope you are too.
P.S. To all of you who have supported me and my family through this really challenging process, thank you! I really appreciate your courage in stepping up, while so many were (understandably) afraid to grab the live wire! And thank you to those who have challenged me, and questioned my motives. You too have helped me to look at myself more fully. I thank God most of all, because without HIs guidance I would be totally lost.
I have had to follow through with my warning about censoring some comments that I believe divert too much attention away from the message I am attempting to deliver. I am not focusing on censoring criticism, in fact most of the comments I have had to remove are in support of me. I hope you understand. You can always contact each other to carry on your battle, but one piece of advice I have for you: Be willing to not have to have the last word, and to sometimes to be misunderstood. I believe most of those who have commented have good intentions, and have expressed much truth, but we ALL must keep our eye on the ball–OUR relationship with our Creator, and our willingness to truly be of service to our fellow man.
For me, that does NOT include taking this particular journey any further. I believe that it has served its purpose, and to take it further would end in needless destruction. The people know what’s going on now, and may also be more aware of the dangerous “teacher–student” dynamic I have seen at play. I believe that God will see that more good than ever can be done moving forward, either through or not through my friend’s ministry.
I can’t claim perfection in how I’ve handled all of this, but I do know that God is helping to heal me and my family every day. I hope that this series has helped you to see that the most important things of all, in my opinion, are: 1. Spending time with our Creator every day. 2. Trusting what you see (Do not doubt what you see, just because you may have some anger in seeing or expressing it). 3. Never put ANY man (or woman) on that “pedestal” that is reserved ONLY for God; and 4. Take FULL responsibility for your actions (Do not BLAME, but if you fall to it, realize that it is wrong and let it go!).
If you can find the Grace to do these things, then life will begin to open up to you, as it has for me and those close to me.
May God be with you.
Patrick Rooney is the Founder of OldSchoolUs.com. He communicates clearly and fearlessly during perilous times about natural health, success, and freedom. To reach Patrick, email him at [email protected].
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Hi Pat. I really miss talking to you. Am sorry to hear all this but happy that you and your family is safe. You are a man of God and you did the right thing. I hope you know who this is. This person has hurt me to the core of my belly when he kick me out of the woman’s meeting. I use to look up to him like a father figure. Am sad to know that I was right about him. I hope he gets the help he need like he told many of us. God bless you and your family. Everything hidden in the dark will come to the light!!!!
Thank you, Marilyn. And sorry to hear of your experience. Yes, everything hidden will come to light. Be well!
For the sakes of his soul, this minister needs to “man up” (something he often talks about but seems unwilling to do) and be honest with people. God is a wonderful God of Love and true repentance is pleasing and acceptable to Him, but a life of deception is not. He should apologize to all the people he harmed and also to those who supported him. There is no other way. If you see this Mr. Reverend, God cannot be fooled!
I agree with you, Ted. Thanks
Patrick I know you don,t know me much, let me show you in my writings how I think and act
There is a Guru type who wore speedos and sun glasses and had a cult and still does, he walked around with speedos on, here in the Los Angeles area until he moved to Texas and now in Hawaii
How people follow this type is a mystery, he soon started counseling on Mondays and made them pay for it even his close advisors, right hand men, however he started making passes at them and soon was in full blown homosexual acts with them and still charging for the counseling
They thought he was a true God deciple or prophet and thought he must know best, not one, not 2 but many men, you can read more about him here… Michel Rostand, eventually grew to one hundred members and began calling itself Buddhafield.
Charismatic he was but deceiver he was too
In the movie “the grapes of wrath” the minister quit and said it was because he could not live up to what he was preaching, he was so honest and made the whole movie great
Fake ministers do not make the world a better place, they only make it better for their own ego, their finances etc… They mis-lead many
Let,s consider this a bit – ok is a bad minister better than no minister? for the many lost searching souls is a mis-leading minister better than nothing?
Wisdom teaches that you cannot get truth from a lie nor blood from a turnup, but yet people think that they will find truth from one who claims to represent truth (Look at me I have no sin) or many other such statements
I say it,s bad when a family member molests a person or misleads one, or when a older brother, sister mis-guilds the younger member to do bad, smoke this, drink that, try this or whatever
this happened to me many times by my older brother and its bad
However its 10 times worse when a person in the public eye mis-guilds, mis-leads one to do bad when they could have helped one do good, and not for personal favor but for goodness sake
If one is not really a good person then they need to get out of the way or else shit like this will happen, and this is not just a little thing, it,s not like the minister is 99% good but had or has this little sexual problem and he will fix it then everything will be Great
For this minister now he is finished, even if he repents publicly he will lose his greatness just like Jimmy Swaggart the creepy minister
Who will trust this minister? leave your kids with him?
I bet he will never confess to this and blame you and tell lies about you as this comes out, he will go down never admitting it Never!! His ego is so large and and has so much to lose, the bigger they are the harder they fall – EGO that is
Patrick I don,t care if you enticed him, if he was true he would have corrected you and both would be free, that was his job in his position however if it was him pursuing you then the its a much bigger problem
Can you be sure others are not involved? Others won,t be involved in time?
In M.S.Scott Pecks book “the people of the Lie” he says that evil hides in high places like in churches
Patrick it,s now your duty to to do what needs to be done or else you will share the responsibility of evil to others because you did nothing or you thought it not too important
Mothers do this all the time, look the other way, don,t think it will happen again, don,t want to cause commotion
Patrick Love has the utmost responsibility, Protection, guidance and discipline, lust has no responsibility
No person in the public position should have a position if they can,t control their sexual desires
For the sake of others do the right thing ! rich
Thank you, Richard, I appreciate your comment. At this point my warning to the minister and those in his congregation is clear. At this point, I see no need or sense no direction to take this further. The congregation can decide their course forward. If I see otherwise in the future, then I will adjust accordingly.
Yes I understand, and Rich is right too I believe. The leader has a manipulative way of squelching dissent, as you know. So most of his congregation may never even hear about it, let alone many thousands worldwide that see him and follow on YouTube. Most have no clue. I think it is those that were close and on the inside for many years until just recently, their duty to call him out calmly and factually by name on social media so it can go viral. That looks like it will occur. Would not need to if he had a conscience about it all.
I totally agree with you Ted and Pat, and it really is commonsense when someone is supposedly a representative of Jesus and has sinned in this way, they ought rightly to spend the rest of their life in humble self reflection and doing another type of work.
Many of us are getting on the older side and it is a blessing that this came out now, I know after years of a dark burden. It has made many people aware of their not so aware selves which if had they had been more so, would not have been involved by seeing the representation was not authentic. We grow up tending to be gullible to authorities, especially when they seemingly are conservative and use Godly words. But really we need to be brighter and make stands, or not, better when we see evil parading as good. It has a lot to do with our holy spirit discerning where a person is coming from, more so than their words.
I’m really glad you chose to act on the courage God granted you Pat. Once I heard Roy say that all that is really the matter with us is a lack of courage. I believe that is very true….beginning with the courage to face our own demons, without trying to fight them, but trusting that inner light is, and will, evict them over time. Detach, please, from all of the inner self talk, words and imaginations. It is IT promoting pride. Thank you God and Pat!
Patrick, I sincerely wonder whether the minister needs to bring everything public (apologize and acknowledge wrong doings/behaviors that happened with you and others) to his congregation and greater youtube audience in order to repent and correct course, or if he can simply get right with God within himself and without taking it public? Or could he repent privately with you and others harmed, himself and God?
Jordan Peterson often talks about the importance of never apologizing to the mob, etc. I’m curious if it occurs for you that if the minister were to publicly apologize and/or acknowledge his wrong behaviors and vices, and the sexual things that happened with you and others—if he would be completely cancelled and reputation destroyed in the current cultural climate and counter spiritual powers that be?
I imagine that his fundamental concern and fear is that if he went public with a confession he would lose all credibility, get cancelled and lose everything he’s built over the last 30 years. If that scenario did happen to him do you feel that would be justice served? Or are you of the view that he should just come clean publicly, come what may and let God decide his fate? Hopefully my line of questioning makes sense.
Thank you, Walter. This is a great question. As I mentioned, I do believe that this minister should come clean. I believe that if left unresolved to the congregation, it leaves something undone that should be dealt with. It has the potential–in my opinion–of bringing much greater healing than would otherwise be possible. I do not believe that this current ministry is authentic–the minister has been lying that he is not in sin–operating in obvious hypocrisy. Nevertheless, I–obviously–am not God, nor do I claim to speak for Him. Seeing the potential for mob destruction, I would not negate the possibility that this could potentially be resolved by the minister getting right with God alone, if that is the acceptable course that God approves. The key is for the minister to sincerely ask God for HIS guidance in this matter if he has not already done so. I believe that this should be the default position for everything of importance to our soul–what would God have us do?
What has he truly built? Anyone really awake could see even through the good words, it was built on sand and a lie. It was only the gullible, which I have also certainly been guilty of in the past, that believed it…(being free of sin and judgment). That is a very severe sin to misrepresent the holy spirit.
I would send this privately if I could. You may or may not choose to make it public. Repentance is good and acceptable to God I know, in fact, it comes from Him. This minister has deceived a lot of people for a very long. It’s good to be sorry to God but it seems to me he should be coming clean and apologizing not only to you but the Congregation and the people who supported him. Some of the behavior you described by him was nothing less than Satanic. Most Churches when this stuff happens, they are removed from the pulpit. If he is truly repentant, then I am glad for him (and you as well) yet I don’t see him just carrying on as usual as if nothing has happened. Is that true repentance? Do you have some thoughts on this? At any rate, keep this private or make it public; your choice.
Ted, first off, you (or anyone) can always email me at [email protected] if you have something you want me to see but don’t want to post publicly. Regarding your statement and question, yes, I absolutely believe that this minister needs to apologize to his congregation. That’s the RIGHT thing to do. He sinned against other people and pretended to have attained a state he has not.
Will he make that apology?
At this point i have my doubts.
If not, and he attempts to slough it off and move forward as if nothing happened, IMO it’s in the hands of his Congregation. Will they accept that? If so, then they would get what they deserve.
Would God be okay with that? I don’t believe He would accept it. It’s one thing to be stubborn and run things by people, but God don’t play that. It’s possible that God has already acted on the minister, and is waiting to see if he will do the right thing. I wouldn’t play with God when it comes to these kinds of things. It’s a dangerous gamble, to say the least!
Its so cool to see your revelation. Thanks for posting. God is tearing down our walls to Him. I’m experiencing these type of awarenesses in my life as well. God bless
Thank you, Brian. I agree 100 percent–God is tearing those walls down so we can go to him directly!
Than you for this post.
Your honesty has helped me and my family
In God’s universe, goodness can even come from tragedy.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28
Thank you, Brian, I am so glad to hear that! I agree and believe that this will all work for good. I have already seen evidence of this.
I agree an apology for not being a real friend for sure, that is good advice. His position and demon preyed on you, but it was your weakness that matched him, as you know. To be fair with you though, in your original blog you do write that… “As for me, as I’ve said, I take full responsibility for my part in all of this. I’ve come clean–with God and my family. Thankfully, they have forgiven my shortcomings.
Most importantly, I believe God has forgiven me too.”
But I get that you still had some self-righteousness. What you write is very true and deep about cultists, but I get it needs to be tempered with human forgiveness. Not acceptance, but just alack of emotions about it all. I had that too masked as strength. I was drawn back to Roy Masters solely to hear that in very few honest words several years back, without know why I was drawn. I am very thankful for that.
I’m so glad you wrote the article🙏🏻
Since reading your article, NOTHING has opened my eyes about MYSELF as much as this did. God willing I was ready to see. Jesus told us not to try to remove the speck in another’s eye until we’ve removed the log from our own. I wish you both well!
That’s beautiful to hear, Cheryl! God bless you!