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Recently I decided to get something off my chest that had been eating me for a long time (Sexual MOLESTATION–The Secret CRIME).
What I didn’t fully realize when I wrote it was that this crime is secret for a reason: It’s not just the secret of the “victim” or “perpetrator,” it’s also secret because once exposed, few want to acknowledge it.
In effect, all goes silent.
Note: When I say “crime,” I am not necessarily referring to a legal crime–what I disclosed about my adult experiences with molestation were not legal crimes–but they were moral crimes.
Once disclosed, the perpetrator and their accomplices will either ignore it, or if it is something that they can no longer sidestep, they will use excuses or thinly-veiled attacks in an attempt to minimize the “damage.”
A family member referred to it as “damage control.”
Allow me to explain further…
I heard a minister this weekend say that people shouldn’t reveal their vices. Really?
So James 5:16 doesn’t apply? (“Therefore confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed…”) (King James Version)
Basically–“Shut up and don’t make any trouble for the perpetrator.”
This preacher said that Paul in the Bible didn’t confess his “vice” (Paul spoke of a “thorn” in his side, that some interpret as being a “vice”). That may be true, but I’m sure if Paul were to have acted on his vice, and molested someone, that he would have begged God’s forgiveness, made amends to the victim, and likely stepped down from his position in shame.
“But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.”Ephesians 5:3 KJV
The preacher said that the real sin is anger, and that we’re all human, and you know, humans will do what humans will do, right?
So I guess 1 Corinthians 6:18 doesn’t apply either?
“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (KJV)
Apparently defiling the temple of the Spirit isn’t a major concern these days to some preachers. This too has been written about:
“But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.”2 Timothy 3:13
This preacher also said that God will work out our vices, once we get our “heart” right. Okay, that’s understandable, but what if a person has supposedly “gotten their heart right” and then kept indulging their vices for a period of years, even decades? It appears that God would be working pretty slowly in their life, would it not?
“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?”Romans 6:1 NIV
If you’re not a Christian, bear with me here. I’m using Scripture to refute error in preachers. Where the subject of sexual molestation is being discussed–dangerous, wicked, and profoundly damaging error.
What if a person involved in sexual sin–while they’re “letting God work it out”–is damaging others? I know that in my case my actions and the actions of the adult male who led me into these actions were an assault on my marriage and family!
This is called ADULTERY! Hello!!!
And yes, I made it perfectly clear in my original post that as an adult male, I take total responsibility for what happened. But there was another adult male involved. When will THEY take total responsibility for their part?
Then I heard the preacher say in his service, that a person could be around him for years, and then start making accusations. He said, “They’ll judge you for what they THINK–with NO PROOF or anything.”
Hmmmmm…. How much proof would you like?
I can understand how people may buy that from a preacher. After all, they agree with him, like him, and therefore WANT to believe him.
But to the point of people sometimes taking a long time to come forward with an accusation, yes, that can be true.
There are reasons for that.
There can be political, monetary, or spite reasons for a person coming forward up to years later. We see situations like this often play out.
But sometimes–I can say with certainty that this played out in my case–a person will struggle with telling something because either they know the blowback they’ll get when they do (I’ll get to this in a moment)…
…or, they may go back and forth in their mind, alternately standing on what they KNOW to be true, and then doubting themselves in some way (the biggest killer of all)–choosing to believe the rationale / excuses of the perpetrator, and weighing their disclosure against some of the “good” things the perpetrator may be doing.
Perpetrators are often very convincing, and most people fear confronting them. Confronting them risks alienation from not only them, but from those around them.
This has definitely been the case with me, fearing the blowback, but the biggest struggle has been within–alternating between standing on what I know and have experienced first hand, and waffling with doubt. Thank God–even though doubt has entered my mind to this day–that I have chosen to stand on the truth.
Where have my friends gone?
Once I made my disclosure, the silence came.
Very few of my friends have come to me to talk about it. I think it’s because the implications of what I have said scare people. I understand, I’m scared too.
If what I have said is true, there are–I think–several choices for my friends:
#1: Deny it.
#2: Excuse it away, as the preacher did.
#3: Believe me and have concern; but let it go out of fear.
#4 Believe me and have concern; and talk to me to better understand the depths of the damage these kinds of secrets can have in people’s lives.
Very few have chosen #4. And again, I understand, no hard feelings.
The road less travelled is less travelled for a reason–it is not the comfortable road or the easy road–but it is the BEST one! I have been “red-pilled” in the most profound ways of late, and have had to re-examine everything I thought was true–about the world, and about myself.
We are ALL being red-pilled right now in many ways. Don’t think the “red-pilling” ends with the political or cultural. How do you think these things even happened in our lives? They have come about because of the people we have become.
Where is God?
The silence I have been experiencing also includes God–I know that He is always with me. Yet, He has been pretty silent lately, not saying a lot at the moment. And yet I trust that He is watching, and I hope–guiding me.
In the end, all of us have our own lonely road to walk. When you remove the money, and the comforts, and the Internet “followers”–we have our Creator, our conscience, and our families. And I know that most of us don’t have our entire families with us, and that’s okay.
God designed it this way, and deep down, I know it is not only sufficient–but for our benefit.
I wish you the peace I am finding by facing the truth.
Patrick Rooney is the Founder of OldSchoolUs.com. He communicates clearly and fearlessly during perilous times about natural health, success, and freedom. To reach Patrick, email him at [email protected].
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